grumpyRichmond Bitter was best, says God.
February 4th 2008 12:31
Unless you are a denizen of Richmond, (that’s Richmond, Victoria) or a reader of those trash “alternative” nonsense magazines like New Dawn, then you may not know that during the latter part of the 20th century, God was offering his advice and answering questions to all comers at a local pub. For all I know he could be still there on any Saturday night.
I recalled this after reading a blog post which had a line something like: “because God wanted us to live simple lives…” and I recall my immediate INTJ reaction was: “and how the fuck would you know?” This was followed immediately after by the amusing thought that if I was still living in Melbourne I could slip down the pub on Saturday and ask him.
“Hey God – do you really want me to live a simple life and not worry about anything?”
“Why do you think I gave you a brain you moron? Insects live simple lives, bacteria live simple lives. You got the neo-cortex baby, and you had better use it, Ok?”
“No worries, G. Just thought I’d better make sure my parents didn’t waste their money on all that education.”
How good would it be to channel the big G, eh? Not just pretend, not just assume you have the goods because someone told you, but actually speak with the omnipotent voice of the great sky daddio? I think you’d need a bit of His fiery protection as well, cause there would be a lot of people out there who would take a mighty sudden dislike to you if they happened to ask the wrong kind of question and then got the real goods right from the top. Just the sheer havoc you could reap amongst the fundamentalist morons and bible bashing born again parade would be worth any amount of the shit it might get you into. Next of course would be the philosophers. Imagine, whole university departments out to get you, hordes of enraged white haired professors wielding axes and lighted brands, running through the streets crying “death, death to the infidel” after you had single handedly collapsed their entire head trip reason for existence. Politicians would be having huddled meetings with their advisors: “Yes…I know what he said, but can we get him on our side?”, while sleazy entrepreneurs would be on the phone day and night, each one hoping to sign the biggest celebrity in town.
I know, I know, it ain’t gunna happen. And that poor sod down at the Richmond Hotel probably needs to get a life – or some psychiatric help. Nevertheless, I didn’t write this for nothing, because I think it’s time we all woke up from the stupid, collective religious dreams we have, opened our eyes, took off our rose and hate colored glasses and had a real good look at the world around us, then a real good think about the fact that every one of us came into this world with just what we had at the beginning - a new chance to figure out what is going on, by using the gifts nature conferred upon us. A brain, hands, and a conscience – Gods own voice within you - and that perhaps it is time to forget all that religious nonsense that was pumped into us by past generations unable to make use of these very simple gifts. Gifts which – fortunately or unfortunately – at first lead us deep into complexity as we begin to unravel the real mysteries of the world, but which can, I promise you, finally lead us to our own simple, solitary, and truly incommunicable understanding of our small, yet extraordinary place in the universe. And once you have that, you won’t need anything else.
I recalled this after reading a blog post which had a line something like: “because God wanted us to live simple lives…” and I recall my immediate INTJ reaction was: “and how the fuck would you know?” This was followed immediately after by the amusing thought that if I was still living in Melbourne I could slip down the pub on Saturday and ask him.
“Why do you think I gave you a brain you moron? Insects live simple lives, bacteria live simple lives. You got the neo-cortex baby, and you had better use it, Ok?”
“No worries, G. Just thought I’d better make sure my parents didn’t waste their money on all that education.”
How good would it be to channel the big G, eh? Not just pretend, not just assume you have the goods because someone told you, but actually speak with the omnipotent voice of the great sky daddio? I think you’d need a bit of His fiery protection as well, cause there would be a lot of people out there who would take a mighty sudden dislike to you if they happened to ask the wrong kind of question and then got the real goods right from the top. Just the sheer havoc you could reap amongst the fundamentalist morons and bible bashing born again parade would be worth any amount of the shit it might get you into. Next of course would be the philosophers. Imagine, whole university departments out to get you, hordes of enraged white haired professors wielding axes and lighted brands, running through the streets crying “death, death to the infidel” after you had single handedly collapsed their entire head trip reason for existence. Politicians would be having huddled meetings with their advisors: “Yes…I know what he said, but can we get him on our side?”, while sleazy entrepreneurs would be on the phone day and night, each one hoping to sign the biggest celebrity in town.
I know, I know, it ain’t gunna happen. And that poor sod down at the Richmond Hotel probably needs to get a life – or some psychiatric help. Nevertheless, I didn’t write this for nothing, because I think it’s time we all woke up from the stupid, collective religious dreams we have, opened our eyes, took off our rose and hate colored glasses and had a real good look at the world around us, then a real good think about the fact that every one of us came into this world with just what we had at the beginning - a new chance to figure out what is going on, by using the gifts nature conferred upon us. A brain, hands, and a conscience – Gods own voice within you - and that perhaps it is time to forget all that religious nonsense that was pumped into us by past generations unable to make use of these very simple gifts. Gifts which – fortunately or unfortunately – at first lead us deep into complexity as we begin to unravel the real mysteries of the world, but which can, I promise you, finally lead us to our own simple, solitary, and truly incommunicable understanding of our small, yet extraordinary place in the universe. And once you have that, you won’t need anything else.
| 40 |
| Vote |
Shared on
Subscribe to this blog
