grumpyHow to Write a Killer Woman’s Mag. Story.
January 11th 2008 07:11
1/ Start with a really long stage setting sentence that contains all the information the reader “really has to know” before they can possibly relate to the 2 dimensional, clichéd characters you have invented.
2/ Literally tell your reader everything your character/s are thinking, and write it as if you were gossiping about it over the fence to your neighbor.
3/ Intrude as much as possible into your story by being the speaking voice which narrates every detail from some third hand, god like position.
4/ Use every possible adverbial variant to the word “said” you can think of, just in case your reader hasn’t noticed that your character has emotions.
6/ Be sure to build all the supercilious nonsense of modern living into your characters’ lives. Try as hard as you can to make your characters seem like the kind of real people you see in ads for air conditioners, detergents or four wheel drive motor cars.
7/ Try where you can to use long words in lots of comma related phrases that build to paragraph long sentences. You are trying to impress, you know.
8/ The male characters in your story must come across either as butt headed bullies, fawning sexual sycophants or vacuous young executives – anything but real men who can think for themselves. After all, your readers don’t like real men – which is good, because it saves you the trouble of finding out what they are.
9/ Make sure you have a real twist at the ending, like: “…and then she woke up.” Or something at least as good.
10/ Follow these tips and you can be certain your story will be picked up by the first story editor that reads it.
Hah, you thought I was doing some negative teaching here didn’t you?
Sadly, you are wrong.
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Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Where is my pen?
I want to get intouch with my femanine side.