grumpyDarth Vader Returns
December 3rd 2007 20:05
You didn't know I wasn't human did you? No. How could you? After all, I do look human - sort of. Old and evil with no hair and the kind of look that says "piss off, I've got enough friends" kind of human. But I'm not. My real home is a rather long way away. Epsilon Eridani IV to be precise. We do things differently there. (Well, I say "we" but hey, I haven't actually lived there for a couple of millennia)
The point is, if I were the kind of alien you find in those sfi-fi stories and not a real, ordinary alien then I would have world killing, mind controlling, totally invincible powers. I would be here to take over the world and organise things to suit myself. Now wouldn't that be great!
The first thing I would do would be a small but important re-distribution of wealth. Not Robin Hood style - that doesn't really work in the end. No - I would just make sure that the people who actually did the most of the work got most of the money. (Office towers - those giant phallic symbols of corporate concupiescence would become redundant, but could be used for something I guess. We could have a competition to find the best use for a vacant skyscraper.)
In my bid to remodel this world I would then abolish the stock market. (Next to the mobile phone, the greatest evil on the planet. Naturally, all mobile phones would have already self destructed in the presence of my moron intolerance field.)
Cars would be restricted to those which could offer greater than 35mpg economy under normal driving conditions. (Say goodbye to your Toorak tractors, you wankers.) Trucks, buses and all the rest could only be owned and used by businesses who actually needed them.
A new reign of disciplinary terror would be introduced into schools, with a subsequent return to numeracy and literacy levels not seen since the nineteen fifties. A significant drop in the level of so called "childhood personality disorders" would also be noticed.
Civil litigation would be abolished. Laws would be set in place to protect the innocent, but not the irresponsible nor the greedy. (Oh dear, I hurt myself - it must be somebodies fault!)
Hmm... the more I think about it, this is just a beginning. The world is just so stuffed up. Perhaps it would be better to just blow it up and start all over again, eh?
But I'll have to check that with my superiors on Epsilon Eridani IV first....
The point is, if I were the kind of alien you find in those sfi-fi stories and not a real, ordinary alien then I would have world killing, mind controlling, totally invincible powers. I would be here to take over the world and organise things to suit myself. Now wouldn't that be great!
In my bid to remodel this world I would then abolish the stock market. (Next to the mobile phone, the greatest evil on the planet. Naturally, all mobile phones would have already self destructed in the presence of my moron intolerance field.)
Cars would be restricted to those which could offer greater than 35mpg economy under normal driving conditions. (Say goodbye to your Toorak tractors, you wankers.) Trucks, buses and all the rest could only be owned and used by businesses who actually needed them.
A new reign of disciplinary terror would be introduced into schools, with a subsequent return to numeracy and literacy levels not seen since the nineteen fifties. A significant drop in the level of so called "childhood personality disorders" would also be noticed.
Hmm... the more I think about it, this is just a beginning. The world is just so stuffed up. Perhaps it would be better to just blow it up and start all over again, eh?
But I'll have to check that with my superiors on Epsilon Eridani IV first....
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